Countdown: Five Days until Inauguration

DEKE SPEAKS! Since the ever vigilent D.K. is so pre-occupied with her damn revenooer stuff, it's time to let Deke do some bloggin'. Deke doesn't know a 1040 from a dog's ass and she's not afraid to to show her ignorance.

Deke's been thinkin' 'bout REDHEADS for OBAMA, so she decided to Obamiconize her redheaded self for blogmortality. If this bleeding red-eyed image doesn't scare the hair off your heinie, you can obamiconize yourself by clicking: pastemagazine.

During the Countdown to Inauguration, Deke's only other thoughts (she's not really very complicated) are about all the things she will no longer be enduring once Dub crawls away from the White House.

Since we are now 5 days away from inauguration, here are 5 things Deke is pretty sure she won't have to endure in an Obama administration:

1. The Crawford Ranch. No more photo ops of Dub strappin' on a spankin' new pair o' LL Bean workgloves, rollin' up his Abercrombie & Fitch plaid shirtsleeves, and crankin' up the chainsaw. Watchin' him administer the final blow to some pre-cut mesquite limb is an insult to all serious brush-clearin' Texas cowboys.

2. Texas Cowboys. No matter how interested in horses he might be, Deke cannot see Obama ridin' fences on Ol' Paint. Deke has no idea if Obama has a horse interest, but she is sure Dub does not. As his bestest furrin' frien', Vicente Fox, once said, Whorehay Boosh is the only cowboy he ever met who is skeered a' hosses. His spotless cowboy boots are a dead giveaway that Dub and horsehit are only compatible in the verbal sense.

3. Christmas Barney Cam. Actually Deke likes Barney, but hates the way Dub and Pickles manufacture hokey words from his canine mouth every holiday season. Deke thinks Barney should make himself available to the Obamas as their dog adoptee, but realizes he is not hypo-allergenic enough. Deke is sure if Barney was her doggie, he would not be bitin' anyone but Miz Beezley.

4. Idunt, Dudunt, Cudunt, Wudent .... listening to Dub speak Bushlish has caused temporary ear damage around the world. At least Deke hopes it's temporary. When does a Yale History Major and Harvard Business School graduate talk like an illiterate thickwit? When he is a carpetbaggin' fake texan! Idunt Dub sumpthin? America dudunt torture! Cudunt y'all bring me a barf bucket? Wudent ya luv ta send Prez Cabbagehead to the International Criminal Court?!!

5. NEW-KYOOO-LURE .... this was pure stubborness on Dub's part. Due to his insistence on new-kyoo-lure threats being included in most of his speeches, Deke has seen "noo-kyoo-lar" in a few online dictionaries as "an alternate acceptable pronunciation"! In fact, Deke has never heard one person say new-kyoo-lure that wasn't jonesing for armageddon, have you? (note: you might think this word belongs up above with the many other words Dub mispronounces, but it so singularly pissed Deke off, every single time she heard it, it had to be listed separately) ...

Well, there you have today's list. Over the next few Countdown Days, Deke plans to post more things she's pretty sure she won't have to endure during an Obama administration. Some of them might extend beyond Dub's personal quirks. Then again, maybe not. Deke is really very shallow. She can't spell for shit and she talks like a ditz.

ps, since she is far too stupid to figure out how to completely take over, Deke will be forced to use D.K.'s avatar in comments. She is semi-crafty, though, so she may be able to fool you once, but but but a fool fool-me can't get fooled aggin!