Thursday, January 15, 2009

Countdown: Five Days until Inauguration

DEKE SPEAKS! Since the ever vigilent D.K. is so pre-occupied with her damn revenooer stuff, it's time to let Deke do some bloggin'. Deke doesn't know a 1040 from a dog's ass and she's not afraid to to show her ignorance.

Deke's been thinkin' 'bout REDHEADS for OBAMA, so she decided to Obamiconize her redheaded self for blogmortality. If this bleeding red-eyed image doesn't scare the hair off your heinie, you can obamiconize yourself by clicking: pastemagazine.

During the Countdown to Inauguration, Deke's only other thoughts (she's not really very complicated) are about all the things she will no longer be enduring once Dub crawls away from the White House.

Since we are now 5 days away from inauguration, here are 5 things Deke is pretty sure she won't have to endure in an Obama administration:

1. The Crawford Ranch. No more photo ops of Dub strappin' on a spankin' new pair o' LL Bean workgloves, rollin' up his Abercrombie & Fitch plaid shirtsleeves, and crankin' up the chainsaw. Watchin' him administer the final blow to some pre-cut mesquite limb is an insult to all serious brush-clearin' Texas cowboys.

2. Texas Cowboys. No matter how interested in horses he might be, Deke cannot see Obama ridin' fences on Ol' Paint. Deke has no idea if Obama has a horse interest, but she is sure Dub does not. As his bestest furrin' frien', Vicente Fox, once said, Whorehay Boosh is the only cowboy he ever met who is skeered a' hosses. His spotless cowboy boots are a dead giveaway that Dub and horsehit are only compatible in the verbal sense.

3. Christmas Barney Cam. Actually Deke likes Barney, but hates the way Dub and Pickles manufacture hokey words from his canine mouth every holiday season. Deke thinks Barney should make himself available to the Obamas as their dog adoptee, but realizes he is not hypo-allergenic enough. Deke is sure if Barney was her doggie, he would not be bitin' anyone but Miz Beezley.

4. Idunt, Dudunt, Cudunt, Wudent .... listening to Dub speak Bushlish has caused temporary ear damage around the world. At least Deke hopes it's temporary. When does a Yale History Major and Harvard Business School graduate talk like an illiterate thickwit? When he is a carpetbaggin' fake texan! Idunt Dub sumpthin? America dudunt torture! Cudunt y'all bring me a barf bucket? Wudent ya luv ta send Prez Cabbagehead to the International Criminal Court?!!

5. NEW-KYOOO-LURE .... this was pure stubborness on Dub's part. Due to his insistence on new-kyoo-lure threats being included in most of his speeches, Deke has seen "noo-kyoo-lar" in a few online dictionaries as "an alternate acceptable pronunciation"! In fact, Deke has never heard one person say new-kyoo-lure that wasn't jonesing for armageddon, have you? (note: you might think this word belongs up above with the many other words Dub mispronounces, but it so singularly pissed Deke off, every single time she heard it, it had to be listed separately) ...

Well, there you have today's list. Over the next few Countdown Days, Deke plans to post more things she's pretty sure she won't have to endure during an Obama administration. Some of them might extend beyond Dub's personal quirks. Then again, maybe not. Deke is really very shallow. She can't spell for shit and she talks like a ditz.

ps, since she is far too stupid to figure out how to completely take over, Deke will be forced to use D.K.'s avatar in comments. She is semi-crafty, though, so she may be able to fool you once, but but but a fool fool-me can't get fooled aggin!


enigma4ever said...

oh this is a great post...hmmm, will have to link to it....

enigma4ever said...

yup...did link to it- in the Obama Countdown and Dada and Gryphen...

(((and yeah..liveblogg the asshole speech tonight...)))


D.K. Raed said...

Deke had fun with it ... but then she has fun with everything ... not a real deep thinker, that Deke.

I was just reading your live blog tonight. I don't know how you can type through all that vomit.

Fran said...

I tried to listen to that thar pretzelnut, but he wuz sayin' sumpthin about

moral clarity, and I got all confused, rememberin horrible scenes of the Abu Ghraib, Gitmo, indictments with legal problems and law breakin' I jus don't understand what the hell kinda clarity he's tawkin about.

It hurts my head tryin to figgure it out.

He ain;t makin no sense.

D.K. Raed said...

Deke heartily agrees. Her head has been hurtin' for 8-yrs! She is tryin' to make sense outta that farewell crapola and will post her thoughts in a few minutes, for Countdown: DAY 4...

Moral Clarity, my ass! He used that same phrase at the MoF ceremony Tues, saying he & Aussie former PM Howard share "moral clarity". Musta been a phrase in of them pet-goat books he & Karl are readin' in preparation for his legacy.