Friday, July 3, 2009

July 4th, Fake and Real ...

Click here for the full page NYT news you WISH was true. The whole thing is a spoof, brought to you by The Yes Men.

July 4, 2009 NYT Edition: "All the News We Hope to Print" ...

Iraq War Ends (troops to return immediately)!

Maximum Wage Law Passed (limiting top salaries to 15 times the minimum wage)!

USA Patriot Act Repealed (a shame-faced congress confesses they only just realized they had the power to do this)!

Evangelicals Open Their Homes to Refugees (limited to the first million Iraqi citizens to qualify, or one-half of the estimated number, whichever is less)!

Ex-Secretary Apologizes for W.M.D. Scare (Condi, not Rummie of course, wants us to rest assured that if there had been even the slightest intelligence that Saddam had real W.M.D. to use against our troops, the Bush Administration would never have sent hundreds of thousands of them to invade Iraq)!

Nationalized Oil to Fund Climate Change Efforts (placing ExxonMobil, Chevron Texaco and other major oil companies under public stewardship, profits to go in a public trust administered by the United Nations, to be used for alternative energy research and development in order to solve the global climate crisis)!

*****DK Note: the above fake July 4th NYT was distributed on the streets of New York this morning. apparently New Yorkers realized immediately that it was a hoax and began using them to wrap day-old fish for garbage pick-up. a few of the less smelly papers have been retrieved as collector's items to be placed in the National Museum of Hope, which due to lack of urban public interest, expects to soon become another rural roadside oddity along with the 2-headed snakes and 6-legged chicken attractions tempting those few brave tourists who venture off the Disney Summer Vacation Trail.*****

And in other news that I first thought was another fake-out, but has been revealed as the ultimate Friday news dump, Sarah Palin has announced her resignation as Governor of Alaska. While I feel happy for the people in Alaska, I do confess to some fear for the caribou, wolves, polar bears and other Alaskan wildlife now that Ms Aerial Huntress will soon find herself with more free time on her hands.

What do you think she's up to? A phony Fox consultancy, or something more ambitious? BTW, that is a fake flag-bikini'd Palin photo, but it goes so perfectly with her announcement on this eve of July 4th, I couldn't resist.

Read: Paul Begala was reminded of a famous Hunter Thompson quote in his analysis of Palin's rambling and infantile mind.

Have a safe and happy July 4th, everyone!


D.K. Raed said...

more fake news, this time from intrepid fake news reporter, D.K. (must've been on page 2 of the fake NYT):

"In Iran, Ahmadinejad called for an accurate election stating that he wouldn't want to have assumed the presidency in a fraudulent election. Rafsanjani and Khatami immediately convinced Supreme Leader Khamenei to hold a one-day election. The ballots will be dual-counted: voters will be asked to fill in a written ballot to be cast as usual; they will then step up to a twitter-connected electronic touch-screen and re-cast their ballot. The act of touching the screen will generate a purple finger for the voter. Iran hopes the whole world will be watching in order to ensure all votes are accurately counted. Mousavi and Karroubi will lead prayers on election day, tentatively scheduled for July 4th, to be henceforth known as Irani Independence Day."

... too much? or, maybe as my jewish mother-in-law would say, from your mouth to allah's ears?!?

Annette said...

yep, from your mouth to Allah's ears is right.

As for SP, there is some pretty strong speculation that there are some hard and huge charges coming her way. Either from the IRS audit or the FBI for the building scandal surrounding the Sports Complex at Wasilla and her house that was built by the same company with the same materials.

It's going to be interesting I am sure.

Fran said...

Palin~ The unwanted gift that keeps on giving!
Something is up with that Palin clan....
some splainin' to do down the road for sure.

Other headlines I'd like to see:

Gitmo Shut Down!

US pulls out of Afghanistan- can't afford surge.

Drone planes previously used to bomb Pakistan now dropping water & medical supplies in Darfur

California legalizes Pot Growing- Now the wealthiest state in the Union.

Previous Wall Street tycoons find work as day laborers @ California Pot Farms

War budget buys nice health care coverage for all

Pentagon shut down, is now the Department of Peace

Ohhh if only!

D.K. Raed said...

oh yeh, sumpthins up fer shur! thet woman sensed a heap o'trubbel waitin' ta fall on her haid an wanded ta get outta dawdge afore she an/or her fambly gets hauled in. funny thin is thet she thinks by rezignin, she is free an clear. whutever gave her thet idear? thet's nawt how it works in the "real" amurca she's always claimin to reperzent ta valuse of. (sorry, after listening to her incoherent speech re-run on the TV news too many times tonight, my brain has been become hillbilly mush)

D.K. Raed said...

I'm not sure, but I think that fake NYT was done by "The Yes Men" (worthy of a wiki search). They could use your skills at fakery we'd like to see!

Loved your headlines: "Gitmo Shut Down" ... replaced by the newer fresher improved Gitmo II guaranteed to operate only under cover of darkness?!? ...

But, Pentagon becoming the Dept of Peace? uh-oh, remember Orwell double think (War is Peace)! gaaahhhhh ....

D.K. Raed said...

OK, yes, the fake July 4th NYT was indeed done by "The Yes Men", so I added a link crediting them in this post. The last paragraph in the linked wiki bio talks about it. **********

Annette said...

I don't know.. she never did really SAY I quit, or I resign.. so who knows.. she may come back and say the "librul media" twisted things around again.. or she changed her mind or was only joking...anything is possible with that woman.

So much rumor and speculation out there, it is hard to say what will happen next.