Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Hi'ya, Mushie!

Bush is taking heat today for not personally calling & talking to his good friend, Musharref, about the State of Emergency declared in Pakistan. I, for one, am glad he has not. Otherwise, CNN might have to report this conversation:

Bush: Hi'ya Mushie, how's it going?
Mush: Great! We are having wonderful success in controlling our terrorists.
Bush: Fantastic! which terrariss exactly are ya controlling?
Mush: So far, we are having best luck with students, activist groups, journalists, attorneys & judges, and vocal members of the opposition party & their familes.
Bush: hmmm, those are surely bad terrariss. What methods ya using?
Mush: We have removed them from society so they will not pollute our patriotic citizenry.

Bush: How ya gonna keep the patriotic citzenry from contamination by any sneaky terrariss you have not removed yet?
Mush: We have shut down all forms of mass communication, such as telephones, TV, radio, newspapers, graffiti & the internet.
Bush: Let me know how that internets thang goes down. Hey, what about satellite dishes, sneaky terrariss will surely use those to broadcast their messages of unpatriotic hate.
Mush: Good point -- today we have outlawed satellite dishes.

Bush: Well, it seems like ya done a heckuva job there, Mushie!
Mush: Thank you, Mr. Bush, Pakistan is feeling so much more secure now. Why, I have not heard one disparaging remark about myself since declaring a State of Emergency.
Bush: Darnit, I sure do wish I had me some of those State of Emergency powers. Oh, almost fergot! Condi wanted me to ask you to remove your uniform.
Mush: If I remove my uniform for anyone, it will be for Condi.
Bush: Awww, she'll be so pleased to hear that.
Mush: Well Mr. Bush, I am seeing some terrariss, errr terrorists, needing my controlling right now, so I'd better go ...

Bush: Wait, wait! Cheney wanted me to ask, how'd ya like to come over here & help me control my terrariss, after you're all done controlling your own, of course?
Mush: Would I be able to keep my uniform?
Bush: Mushman, you are one tough negosheeator! I'll have to ask Big Dick & get back to ya. He's the only one who can override Condi since he works outside the executive branch. Maybe they can figure out a diplomatic shared uniform arrangement. Meanwhile, you jest let me know if them terrariss you're controlling begin overflowing your jail accomodations. We got some Black Site Detention Centers just begging for a little controlling experience.
Mush: I don't think that will be necessary. We have plenty of soccer stadiums at our disposal....

Pakistan Locked Down

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dada said...

Well, you have to suspect Bush is having a serious case of Pakistan envy. Satellite dishes?? Seizing satellite dishes??!! That probably explains why I've been hearing, over and over all afternoon, the ELO hit "hold on tight to your dreams" as "hold on tight to your dishes"?

Good post, BTW!

D.K. Raed said...

Dada, I keep thinking of Dr Strangelove when Geo Scott said, I sure wish we had us one of them doomsday machines! And yes, I almost fell off the couch when I heard Satellite Dishes are being shut down there. I'm sure Bush could never go that far here. People will stand for losing a lot of civil liberties, but those 500-channels of madison avenue ads would simply be unendurable.

Fran said...

Let's hope they don't chat.... we don't want George getting any ideas.

Newsguy said...

Bush and Mushie, two of a kind.

DK, Brilliant the way you imagined their phone conversation. Events these days are so wacko, out of control and insane, what you have imagined is not not far off the real mark at all.

D.K. Raed said...

Fran: agreed, let's keep the phones away from his twitchy fingers.

Newsguy: thanks, I had fun with it ... of course hoping all the time that it was far out of the realm of possibility. Unfortunately, Bush's voice is crystal clear in my head, but note I gave Mushie perfect diction.

Fran said...

The news reports Bush did call Mushy today. I really have to wonder what other countries leadres think of US "leaders" telling them how to run their country. I think Putin came closest to telling Condi to step off.... showed up VERY late for their meeting, then told them he was not particularly interested in their advice.

I halfway expect someone to say *Who the hell do you think YOU are giving US advice.... go fix your own problems!*

In the case of Pakistan... we don't want twitchy fingers on, or anyway near the nukes button.

Cartledge said...

Now don't laugh too much. We still have a couple of weeks for our embattled Prime Minister to decide elections are far too dangerous.

D.K. Raed said...

Fran: so it only took him 4 days to call & tell Mushie to take off his uniform! "You can't be President & head of the military at the same time", says our Commander-in-Chief. And you're right, who the eff are we to tell anyone how to do anything anymore? Our moral authority went into ICU when we preemptively attacked a sovereign country under false pretenses, it flatlined in Abu Ghraib & has been zombiefied ever since. That said, the only thing more scary than Bush is Putin.

Cartledge: you will be the canary in the coalmine for our next national elections!

pissed off patricia said...

I loved that post. Probably close to the real call he finally made yesterday.

Yeah, I had to laugh when commander guy said Mushie couldn't wear a uniform and be president too.

If Mushie backed off now and reversed every thing he's done, how long do you think he would be alive?

azgoddess said...

see, at first i thought you were kidding - but when i read your comments i realized you are not!!! dang..thanks for the update my friend...hugs and peace

D.K. Raed said...

PoP: nice to see you! I guess Mushie could pull back a little as soon as he packs his supreme court. As far as removing his uniform, I see Mushie doing a steamy stripper number for Bush, the sweaty eager dollar-bill pusher who's flipping more & more foreign aid into Mushie's chest full of medals. Maybe that's how the REAL phone call went: a lot of heavy breathing ... ooooh yeaah, Pervie, take it off, take it alllll off, burn down da howzzz.

AZ: I thought I was kidding, too! But the more I thought about it, the more plausible it seemed. What a sicko I am. Hugs to you, for hoping I was kidding.

Pursey Tuttweiler said...

I bet Bushie is taking pointers from Mushie. Like Dada said, a big case of Mushie envy.

Richard said...

You know, DK, if it weren't so serious it really would be hilarious. The way things have been going over the last few years, I truly could imagine a conversation quite close to that one you've layed out so well.

One more thing, the Turk's recently made it quite clear too. They said they don't need anyone's advice (meaning the US, of course). They also asked if the US had needed anyone's 'permission' to go after rebels/terrorists in Iraq and Afghanistan. (Pure sarcasm of course).

D.K. Raed said...

Pursey, he is jonesing for those emergency powers.

Richard, not only did we not need anyone's permission, we managed to avert all warnings, criticisms & thoughtful alternatives in our rush to pursue terrariss. Millions of protestors all over the world ... ho hum, Bush still sleeps well at night. What a great example for Turks, or anyone who feels inclined to do something similar. (sarcasm back at'cha)

enigma4ever said...

this is such an excellent post...I was laughing, but also cringing alittle...because part of me is really wondering what the idiot did say to Mushie...I just saw on Thursday MN BBC news that Bhutto has indeed been arrested. ( MSM has not reported it yet)..oh this is not good...I don't know what will happen there now- it is 12 noon there so we need to watch if the Strikes and Marches go forward like she asked...

You have such wonderful commenters here...so good that people are finding their way here- now that I have lost my evil troll I can do a Blogroundup....keep up the great work here...

D.K. Raed said...

Thanks, Enigma. I had fun with it, though the cringe-factor was tangible. Good news about your troll, although you were so watchful, your commenters rarely had to endure him for more than a moment. You sweep swifter than a speeding spinet (try saying that 5 times quickly)!

Very scary news about Bhutto. I'm putting a couple links in the RFK post above. She's a brave woman.