Hey Bristol, where's your baby?

When Bristol Palin's impending glorious event was revealed, her due date was estimated to be December 18-23. Ever since the Repub Natl Convention, she has pretty much been out of sight.

Amid all the controversy surrounding her teen pregnancy, I submit the following Top Ten Reasons Why Bristol's Baby is Purposefully Delaying His World Debut:

10. To give his daddy Levi Johnston time to earn more money working on the North Slope. Levi dropped out of high school in his senior year to earn some baby-having dough. Might as well let him earn the price of his forfeited high school diploma, too.

9. Before he knew he'd be a daddy, the non-condom-using Levi said he "didn't want babies", so why not gestate a little longer? A more fully mature infant might bypass the "baby" stage. Afterall, they grow up pretty fast in Wasilla. You bet'cha!

8. To give his mama Bristol a hard time. The baby's birth in December was supposed to clear her of any suspicion of secretly being Trig's mom. If the birth is in January/February, that issue will remain unresolved. *wink*

7. To make his birthday coincide with Bristol and Levi's wedding date, set for March 2009. Over the long run, combo celebrations will be much less expensive for his teen parents.

6. Grandmothers -- both of them! From what the fetus has overheard, they are both going to be lousy grandmas. Drugs versus aerial animal kills ... which is worse for the unblemished baby's soul?

5. He does not relish being born in the middle of an alaskan ice blizzard to a 17-yr old mom, 18-yr old dad, high school drop-out parents. What's the hurry? Talk about a Bridge to Nowhere!

4. The womb looks much safer than a collapsing world. He's in no hurry to confront global warming (climate change), species decline, economic disaster, and an earth where the Taliban and Darfur and Robert Mugabe are standard operating procedure.

3. To give Uncle Joe, the tax-cheating unlicensed plumber, a chance to earn some money selling his memoir book so he can pay his tax liens and buy the business license that is preventing him from testing Obama's tax plan. Did you get one for xmas, or have you ordered yours yet? Joe wants to contribute to Bristol's baby's college fund!

2. The thought that dead moose and elk antlers will form his crib.

1. John McCain will be his Godfather?!? 'Nuff Said!

Oh heck, Bristol is probably in the midst of giving birth as I post this. Hope it's an easy labor for her. She's got enough trouble ahead of her as it is. Gotta find an odd name for him, too. Maybe ... Pelt?

ps, feel free to add your own reasons or name choices. I'll leave this open until the baby appears! I mean, it's has to be any day now, right? So, she's 10-days overdue. No one would purposefully lie about the due date, would they? hmmm...

oh, pooh, see update in comments 12.29.08: tonight, Rachel Maddow reported Bristol had baby TRIPP yesterday. Tripp (7-lbs, 4-oz) and Bristol are reportedly doing well. No mention of Levi. The news is confirmed by People Magazine and the Anchorage Daily News, both stating the baby was born Sunday, but further news won't be released until Tuesday. So I guess she really WAS in labor when I posted this!