Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Yes, We Have No Tomatoes (when Sarah is in town)

DK brings you Palin-in-Utah news:

If you want to buy tomatoes at Costco, you better make sure Sarah Palin is not signing books there that day!

Apparently, ever since a man in Minneapolis lobbed a few tomatoes her way last week, part of the standard preparation for any public Palin appearance includes removal of tomatoes.

A woman shopper in Salt Lake City, pleased to find empty aisles and no waiting at the check-out lines at her Costco, even though the parking lot was full, became displeased when the store manager informed her all tomatoes had been removed from the shelves because Sarah Palin was signing books there today. Well, that explains the full parking lot (Utahns being among Sarah's greatest fans)!

Upon seeing her dismay over not being able to purchase the tomatoes she had expressly braved the winter snow to buy, the Costco manager put everything right for the woman shopper by sending an employee into the warehouse storage area (where the scurrilous tomatoes had been whisked prior to Palin's arrival) to retrieve a bunch which he then gave her for free.

Way to go, Mr. Costco Manager ... Costco has gained another customer for life because not only was the woman shopper able to shop at Costco with no lines (an event never to be repeated in this or any other lifetime), she got free tomatoes without having to endure The Magical Palin Book Signing Tour (since that was obviously taking place in another part of the store). A Win-Win for all!

During this same visit to her most loyal fans in SLC Utah last week, Sarah also managed to disappoint the leaders of the UT Republican Party (who were told she didn't have time for them unless they wanted to come to her Costco Book Signing Event and buy her book which would include a signature and a wink, not necessarily any conversation) and at least one hard-working hairdresser.

The Salt Lake hairdresser was stiffed for payment and tip, and ended up having to pay for parking to boot! She was called at 8AM for an emergency hair repair of Sarah's Signature Coiffe. Even though she had scheduled her 3-yr old child for a dental filling that morning, she dropped everything in her life for Sarah (the tooth-filling appt was delegated to her husband who had to take time off work to do it).

She was instructed to leave her car with valet parking (faster than walking across a large parking lot) and quickly ushered up to Sarah's hotel room. During the elevator trip up, she was told not to talk to Sarah unless Sarah talks first (rush-rush, get that hair repaired, no chit-chat to slow things down).

As soon as the emergency hair repair was completed, Sarah's entourage quickly ran out the door for the Costco Book Signing Event (previously sanitized of all tomatoes). The hairdresser was left to pack up her hair equipment (feeling slightly used and put away wet, no doubt). That's when she realized no one had even mentioned payment or a tip!

When the valet attendant retrieved her car, the hairdresser decided enough was enough and told him since she was with the Palin party, they should take care of the $10 parking fee. That was news to him, the valet said (I bet he'd probably already been stiffed by them). So she forked over $10 plus a tip (hairdressers and waitresses always tip because, unlike Sarah, they know how important tipping is to the service industry).

She has since sent Palin an invoice for her services. So far all she has received is a Palin book and some signed photos. I hope she included her husband's lost wages in her invoice. I wonder if tomatoes might be involved in Sarah's next hair repair. I also wonder if Sarah meant for this to serve as an example of the type of fiscal conservatism she thinks will exorcise the socialism out of america.

If this is how Sarah treats her friends (and she has no better friends than Utahns who ooze their remaining brain cells at the mere thought of meeting The Mighty Moose-Huntress), I'd hate to be that Minneapolis guy who threw the tomatoes!

What was that tomato thrower thinking? Didn't he have any shoes?

Behold, the Mighty Sarah ... hairdressers quake at receiving a call from her and retail stores must remove items that might be lobbed her way at a book signing! Sarah Palin ... bad for us and bad for business!

(personal update in comments) ...


D.K. Raed said...

new home update: we are only starting to pack up now. hope to be completely moved in by mid-January. don't know if or when I can blog during this period, but I look forward to getting back into it after things settle down.

Fran said...

You scored roarous laughter over the
"Didn't he have any shoes"? remark.

And the bit about the *once in a lifetime* experience of going through a check out line @ Costco without being in a line of people!

Queen Sarah thinks it is not necessary to pay for services. She is awash in lemmings drinking the koolaid. Will she start wearing a tiara?

Great story!

D.K. Raed said...

Fran: the best stories are true! I guess we know now that the best day to shop at Costco will be when Sarah is signing books.

But, after seeing blood on Italian PM Berluscconi from a flung statuette, I wouldn't really advise throwing shoes ... unless they were soft slippers ... big fluffy bright tomato red slippers!

eProf2 said...

Thanks for the Palin update, I think! Too bad the customer didn't take the free tomatoes and then lob them at the "kill the wolves" queen!

D.K. Raed said...

EProf: she was probably just so happy not to have to endure the normal coughing sneezing Costco crowds, she didn't want to look a gift tomato in the mouth!

Border Explorer said...

Merry Christmas, D.K.! Good luck with the move. And btw: this was a great Palin story. Wish the country could 'move on' and leave her in the dust of the last decade. Maybe Santa could bring me that for Christmas!

Anon-Paranoid said...


May you and yours have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

God Bless.

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Anon-Paranoid said...

To a very smart person with Redheaded Wisdom.

Happy New Year to you and yours.

God Bless.